Insight: For men’s mental health awareness month, I want to open up about my story (BSL)

Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month is taking place throughout November and it aims to raise awareness of men’s health issues and encourage men to seek support.

I wanted to take this opportunity to share some things I have experienced – my own story may benefit other men reading this.

I do think there still is a stereotype that comes with being a man. It’s partly from society but also from things I’ve learnt from the own men in my life, my Dad, brothers and Grandad too.

I remember as a teenager whenever I would feel annoyed by something, I would have these angry outbursts. I couldn’t explain why I felt so angry, but I felt misunderstood and not really heard a lot of the time.

My family hated these outbursts and would punish me for them, so I learnt through life that being angry was a bad thing and that it wasn’t something you should express – and definitely not if you’re male.

My sister was allowed to be angry and have outbursts, but I was not. As a result, I turned these feelings inside and became sulky, moody and quiet instead.

It wasn’t until I met my partner and we had a child that I realised I had a lot of feelings squashed down that I hadn’t dealt with. I became really close to my partners brother and whenever we went out together, I felt comfortable enough to tell him how some things bothered me.

For example, being the only deaf person in my family, feeling different, having to ‘tone down’ my expressions – I felt frustrated and constricted. And then by having a child and being the only deaf person again, feelings of not wanting to let my child down or be a disappointment all came up too.

I never wanted to go along to therapy or a counsellor, I just don’t like the idea of talking to someone who I don’t know but I have discovered that being out in nature has been its own kind of therapy for me.

My brother in law joined a hiking group and encouraged me to go along with him on a trip. I didn’t know any of the other men but I went along and really – it blew me away, the whole experience did.

It wasn’t just about being outdoors, although that really helped. The change of scenery, camping, going back to basics, I felt more comfortable in my body and in the here and now with no worries or thoughts going round and round in my head.

What also helped was being screen-free for a couple of days, sitting round a fire or squeezing into a camper van all together and chatting about the most random stuff with no judgement.

I never had that growing up. My Dad didn’t do any trips like this with me, he was absent at work or silent most of the time, wanting to issue instructions to me for me to obey without question.

Being around other males who have different perspectives on life has helped me understand what I want and who I really am. I always felt different from my family growing up but these group of hikers and outdoorsy travelling friends have seen so much of the world that my deafness – to them- is no big deal.

So what I am really trying to say in my story here is that there are multiple ways you can support your own mental well-being, as a man. For me, I tried something new and it helped me get out of my own head and talk to people who I felt I could trust and had my back.

There’s something about being in the elements with others and having food together that really bonds you like a family.

I wasn’t one of those lucky people who grew up with a regulated family who were kind and thoughtful and encouraged conversations.

I was told to shut up and be quiet and ‘be a man’ many times – implying that to be a man you had to tolerate whatever life threw at you, and say or feel nothing about it.

I also found it really hard to make friends growing up and as a result I felt lonely and frustrated.

I think I got upset once in front of my Dad before and he looked at me as if to say ‘what’s wrong with you?’ And I never went to him for anything again.

I know that’s sad, but he probably felt the same growing up too.

At least now I feel I have found some friends who accept me for who I am, and whilst I may not be perfect or anger-free, I am developing a sense of self-acceptance now that I haven’t really felt before.

I hope this month more men are able to find their safe space with friends who they can be themselves around. This will not only benefit you but also your family and those around you.

 

This blog has been written anonymously as part of the Insight series where readers are invited to share their story or news about their interesting job with The Limping Chicken. If you have a story to share please email rebecca@rawithey.com

Image courtesy of Pixels photos.