Insight: Does my deafness scare you? (BSL)

I’m sure most readers will empathise with me when I talk about the times that I’ve frightened hearing people off. Sometimes it works in my favour. You know, those times when you want to be left alone or you’re not in the mood to chat. 

It’s often when salespeople in supermarkets try to begin a conversation about opening a Will or having my guttering done… I can simply point to my ear, indicate I’m deaf and they will back away.

It works – most of the time. 

Yet there are other times I tire of being treated differently, especially when the other person seems afraid to converse with me. A recent example was when I was collecting some quotes to have some work done to my house. 

Like most deaf people, I send emails or text messages and will state that due to my deafness, you can only text or email me back – do not, under any circumstances, ring me! So when I was contacting these tradespeople, most were happy to email and text, it was only when meeting in person that it all became a bit awkward. 

My partner is hearing yet they do not – ever – become my interpreter. I absolutely insist! So they find it quite comical to see how each of us get treated differently by strangers.

Only yesterday, a tradesman came to our house to measure up our kitchen and give us some quotes. I took the lead in everything because I was the one making all the enquiries and keeping all the notes. 

The tradesman met me awkwardly without eye contact, gestured to ask where he had to go – without a ‘nice to meet you’ or anything! I then proceeded to take him to the kitchen and stood in silence while he measured up the kitchen, side stepping me, ignoring eye contact and entering notes on his phone. 

His inter-personal skills could do with some improvement, I thought. 

My partner then entered the room and used their voice to talk to me. The tradesman must have realised my partner is hearing and surprised me by beginning to chat to them, talking about the kitchen cupboards and marble worktop and this that and the other, and oh-hasnt-the-weather-been-great and all of that. 

My partner, unaware that I had spent the last 10 mins being ignored and tip-toed around, found it amusing when I later explained what had happened and how I had been treated. 

I might be deaf but I like small talk too! I like to be acknowledged! I like to chat about inane, mundane things!

At first my partner tried to put my mind at ease. They suggested perhaps the tradesman wasn’t a social person. Maybe they even have social anxiety or something else that hinders their ability to communicate confidently. But given how easily and happily they chatted to my partner, I really don’t think that was the case. 

And so, my partner concluded that they must have been scared of me. Pah. Me, scary?! I don’t think so! 

I’m a kind and caring person and I like chatting to others, so it makes me feel rather sad that my deafness sometimes stops other people feeling able to approach me or chat to me normally – as they would to anyone else. 

I would like to say that this incident was a one off but it unfortunately isn’t. Whenever my partner and I interact with sales professionals or even other members of the public when out and about, more often than not, I’ll be the one playing catch up and my partner will be the one getting chatted to, and then relaying everything to me. 

It even happens in airports when staff members will also assume my partner is my carer and they can’t understand why I prefer to speak independently and not be spoken for. They will address my partner about my ticket or my bag, instead of chatting to me directly. It drives me mad! 

I suppose society always fears the unknown and given a choice of sticking with what they know – talking to someone who can hear and talk – its far less frightening than braving the unknown and attempting to talk to someone who wears hearing aids and has a funny voice.

It’s not my partners fault as they do repeatedly, tell other people to address me directly and to not be afraid to talk to me! 

Still, it falls on deaf ears. Ironic hey! 

This blog has been written anonymously as part of the Insight series where readers are invited to share their story or news about their interesting job with The Limping Chicken. If you have a story to share please email rebecca@rawithey.com

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