Insight: Being part of a deaf group for new parents helped me recognise post natal depression (BSL)

My partner and I are both deaf and we were thrilled to find out we were expecting at the start of last year. I had wanted a family for a long time so it felt like a dream come true when it finally happened.

I had sadly had a few miscarriages in the years prior to this one so I was naturally worried when it came to scans and check ups.

So bringing our baby to full term was the biggest achievement and such a feeling of relief!

I had a relatively smooth labour and was home the next day. It felt so strange seeing a brand new baby in the car seat as my partner carried it out of the hospital.

At home, I felt like I had no choice but to just keep going with this new normal we were faced with. The feeding, the nappy changes, the lack of sleep all hit us like a ton of bricks as we just carried on with things.

My partner had three weeks off work to begin with and during that time we had visitors and family too so it never felt like the house was quiet. There was always someone here or something happening.

I remember one day in particular though just sitting quietly in my living room feeling a strange kind of feeling as our baby lay sleeping. I felt overly worried, like something bad was going to happen and I couldn’t shake it off.

My sister – who is older than me and also deaf – told me about a group for deaf parents that she had attended with her own little ones who were now fully grown.

She really enjoyed it and recommended it to me. I wasn’t sure. It felt like another obligation that I was too tired to fulfil.

I put off going along to the group for a few weeks as I just felt so exhausted and it felt stressful having to organise things. But one week, I was offered a lift by a lady who already attended there so I decided to give it a try.

At the session there were spaces for babies to rest, play and meet other babies. They signed songs and signed stories too. There was also coffee, biscuits and time for parents to chat.

Not only that, there was a care worker who regularly visited the group with an interpreter. She would share news about activities for parents in the area and tell us about things that were on offer.

On the day I first attended the care worker was giving a little talk on post natal depression and how it can show itself. As she spoke and the interpreter signed, I found myself nodding in agreement. This was how I felt but I couldn’t explain it before.

Of course I was happy I now had the healthy baby that I wished for! But I also wanted to cry and cry and lay down and sleep. I felt so worried that something bad would happen to my baby and felt paranoid that danger was just around the corner. My personality was different and I just didn’t feel like myself anymore.

I thought giving birth was the hard part but for me it was the months that followed. I came to realise that I wasn’t ‘just tired and sleep deprived.’ I was dealing with my hormonal system feeling as though it was upside down. My whole mood had changed and it affected how I related to those around me, but I am so grateful everyone was patient and kind to me.

Other mums in the deaf group also shared their experiences with me and I felt so comforted and reassured. Finally, I understood I wasn’t mad or ungrateful or paranoid. My hormones had taken a serious beating and were rearranging themselves.

So when I had my post natal check up at the doctors I told the nurse about this and I was assessed and I felt listened to and validated.

Once I understood what was happening to my hormones I wasn’t afraid of it anymore and I knew if it got worse there were people I could talk to.

I was recommended to get out the house daily even if just for a short ten minute walk and the nurse said going to social groups can be beneficial even if at the start you don’t really feel like going.

I completely agree with this. I’m so grateful I had a friendly accessible group with access to information that got me through the first few months which were quite rough.

I gave myself permission to feel how I felt, to be honest and also be kind to myself too. Friends helped by bringing home cooked meals for me and lightening my load so I could take care of my body too.

In time, my hormones must have evened out as that overwhelming heavy feeling started to lift and I began to feel I’d turned a corner when my baby became one! Just in time for the mad toddler years!

My advice for any deaf new parents would be to search online for local accessible groups and make sure you’re fully informed as to how mums can feel after a birth and what to look out for. For me, getting out the house daily and moving my body – daily walks and staying active, really helped to keep those low feelings at a manageable level.

Bringing a human into the world is amazing and an absolute privilege but it also takes a huge toll on your body and that can affect women in various ways.

Help is always there if you just reach out and ask.

This blog has been written anonymously as part of the Insight series – created by Assistant editor Rebecca A Withey.

If you have a story, experience or viewpoint you would like to anonymously share please email Rebecca on  rebecca@rawithey.com

Image courtesy of Pexels