I was very excited to get accepted at the University I am now studying at. I worked hard throughout my A Levels as I had a clear idea in mind of what career pathway I wanted to take and so accomplishing all of this so far has made me feel very proud of my efforts.
I’ve always been very studious. I feel most myself when I’m armed with facts and figures and I can research things for hours and hours without feeling bored. This could be partly because of my autism and my enjoyment for knowledge. Yes, I am deaf and also autistic – something I have known about for many years.
One thing my parents were hoping for me to gain since joining University was a friendship circle. I’ve not found friendships easy, for many reasons. I went to a mainstream school for several years before I moved to one with a resource base for deaf pupils and it seemed that whilst it was well suited for those who are deaf, it didn’t fully understand the needs of those with autism.
In my case it meant not knowing how to support me socially and I ended up being a bit of a loner – or a lone wolf as I like to put it.
It never troubled me – the fact that I spend so much time alone – but my parents worry about that and would like for me to have some companions to do things with that I enjoy. I assumed – perhaps foolishly – that this would come easily when at University and around like minded students who were interested in similar topics to me.
At University there are a few other students who have autism too, but it seems my main barrier here is the language one – the fact that I am deaf and rely on the communication support that the University provide to take part in seminars, lectures and to access information.
I often find that both students and tutors tend to only approach me when I have an interpreter present, and they speak whilst looking at them instead of me. This makes me end up feeling like the third party, instead of the focus of their attention. I find this highly confusing.
Freshers week was the opportunity that most students took to mix and get to know everyone – but there is no communication support for extracurricular activities off campus.
Being the sole deaf person on my course, I find coping with it all incredibly challenging and hard work and I was relieved to be back in my halls of residence where I didn’t have to effort anymore.
When I returned home recently for the Christmas break, my parents were questioning me about what I’ve been up to. I was enthusiastic to tell them about my course and the modules I’ve been studying but I didn’t have much to tell them in regards to new friends. I know a few people’s names – but that’s about it to be honest.
So I have a dilemma. How do I make friends, being a deaf, autistic person who finds the whole social scenario odd and forced?
I accept the fact that nobody else on my course uses sign language and so it is everything I anticipated in that way – but would you say I am missing out on friendships and companions?
My default method is to revert to studying alone and spending time following up on my own hobbies and interests – and these activities bring me much enjoyment. But I suppose it would be nice to go to certain places with other people – yet how do I find them at my age, without being able to speak clearly?
My parents did wonder whether my communication support was a hindrance rather than a help. They asked me if it separated me from the rest of the class and if it isolated me in a way.
I don’t think that is the main issue. I suppose when you have additional support, you will always look different to others but I wouldn’t be able to learn or engage fully without this support being present.
When I found this blog site online I wondered if other deaf students across the world have the same challenge as I do? How do you acquire friendships when you have a communication barrier? What tips would you recommend I try in my next University term to appear more friendly and find ‘my tribe?’
This blog has been written anonymously as part of the Insight series – created by Assistant editor Rebecca A Withey.
If you have a story, experience or viewpoint you would like to anonymously share please email Rebecca on rebecca@rawithey.com
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Jo Dennison Drake
January 14, 2026
Congratulations on getting into university and having a good studious brain! That was a massive step forward for you and will stand you in good stead. Making friends is not easy for many people even without a disability.
The first thing to do is always act friendly by smiling and saying good morning or simply hello on passing people on your course especially to people you sit next to in the lecture theatre and in seminars. That shows you are willing and happy to be friendly. That’s what I did at the beginning.
I also explained I was deaf and lip read. Most people think it is clever to be able to do that! Yes it does sound a bit patronising and I usually respond that I don’t have any other choice which is true.
If people don’t understand you, be willing to write things down like I am deaf and autistic and wish to make friends. Ask people what they enjoy doing in their leisure time and if you are interested in what they like doing and fancy a go at it; say ” ooh I haven’t done that before but would love to have a go at it”. They might tell you what day to meet up and what time and where to go to try it out.
Joining clubs and societies sound a bit daunting but it is worth a try out to see if you like what is on offer. A lot of things are more physical so you would not necessarily be at a disadvantage as lots of people have not much experience of activities on offer.
Having a hearing difficulties and autism does mean we people have “to push the boat out”. By that we have to make that much more effort to engage with people and make friends. Try to look interested and if you lose the thread of the conversation try to locate one of the potential new friends to ask if they can explain as you have lost the thread of the conversation through not hearing. Offer them a notepad and pen to explain.
There’s nearly always someone willing to help you out as most people are kindly. If someone is rude or unfriendly, move onto someone else. Try to ask several different people to help you out rather than lean on just one person all the time as that one person can find it restrictive and might avoid you.
Most people like to help out regularly but not the entire meeting or every single time. If you always act in a friendly poliet manner, most people will make the effort to engage with you. It takes time and practice and allow people a chance to get used to you.
Not everyone has met a deaf person or autistic person close in age to them and are nervous or unsure how to support you. You have to ask for help and make it clear what sort of help you would find most helpful. I found when at university people would laugh at my mistake or misprounciation and I would just laugh with them and apologise and say I’m still learning how to say a word as don’t usually hear the spoken word with being deaf.
Don’t be offended if you are laughed at as very often they are not really laughing at you but laughing as if they know we all can make a mistake. People are often quite amazed and fascinated at your lip reading or sign language skills and will ask how to sign a word or two. Be willing to teach them a few simple words. Good luck and wishing you every success in your new student life.
Tim
January 21, 2026
“but would you say I am missing out on friendships and companions?”
Absolutely not.
Your parents, like most parents, want the best for you, but you’re not here to live up to their expectations. What makes *you* happy?
From what I’ve read here, you seem perfectly happy in your own company; you’ve pretty much said so yourself:
‘My default method is to revert to studying alone and spending time following up on my own hobbies and interests – and these activities bring me much enjoyment.’
I could be wrong, but I don’t see a problem here. In any case, it’s easier to make friends naturally rather than try to force it.