Insight: My First Holiday as a Newly Single Deaf Mum (BSL)

It was meant to be a holiday for a family of four. Then my partner and I split earlier this year, and suddenly the summer holiday we’d planned looked very different.

I couldn’t find a friend who was available on the same dates to come with me, so I had a choice: cancel the holiday, or contemplate taking two children under six away on my own.

The children are both still at the age where tiredness can turn into spectacular tempers but I wasn’t just worrying about keeping two overtired kids alive and entertained. I was also worrying about doing it all as a deaf mum.

How would I order food in the caravan park restaurants, that my partner used to do for me? What if someone tried to talk to me and I couldn’t understand them? Would I manage to find my way around? Would I spend the whole holiday feeling lonely because everyone else seemed to be with partners and friends?

I decided to go anyway.

The evening we arrived, the kids were starving and so we went to a restaurant, but it didn’t have QR codes or a digital ordering machine. Argh – I didn’t want to have to try and talk to anyone. I went up to the counter and explained that I was deaf and did my best to communicate.

I felt embarrassed and awkward. But eventually, three correct meals appeared at our table. Result.

The swimming pool was another story. I couldn’t wear my hearing aids while swimming, so the moment I got into the water I was completely cut off from sound. Hello, tinnitus.

I also felt incredibly vulnerable. What if someone was screaming, or an alarm went off? I told the lifeguard I was deaf, partly because I wanted them to know and partly because I was feeling paranoid about not being able to hear what was happening around me. I probably spoke far too loudly to my children, but I survived and I even ventured on the slides with the kids!

The hardest moments were often the little things I hadn’t really thought about beforehand.

At the evening entertainment, I couldn’t understand what songs were playing. I couldn’t hear the jokes or announcements from the entertainers properly. Sometimes my children would suddenly start cheering and laughing, and I had absolutely no idea what was happening.

I missed having my ex-partner there to quietly relay things to me. That was probably one of the moments when I felt most aware that I was doing this alone. But the children didn’t seem to care about any of that.

They didn’t care that their mum was deaf. They didn’t notice that I sometimes couldn’t hear what was happening. They certainly didn’t know that I was internally panicking while trying to work out what everyone else was laughing at. They just had a brilliant holiday.

We went crabbing on the beach. We went on a boat trip. We spent days swimming. They laughed, got tired, ate far too much holiday food and made memories.

And I came home absolutely exhausted and in desperate need of another holiday to recover from the first one.

But I also came home proud. Being a solo deaf mum doesn’t mean I have to stay at home all summer because my friends are partnered up, have their own family plans or are going away on different dates.

I can take my children away and I can figure things out. Was it easy? No. Would I describe travelling alone with two small children as relaxing? Absolutely not.

But was it worth it? Without a doubt.

My children came home with happy memories. And I came home knowing that being deaf, being newly single and doing things on my own doesn’t mean my world has to become smaller.

If anything, maybe it’s time to make it bigger.

Now to plan next years adventure!

This blog has been shared anonymously as part of the Insight series – created by Assistant editor Rebecca A Withey.

If you have a story, experience or viewpoint you would like to anonymously share please email Rebecca on  rebecca@rawithey.com

Image courtesy of Pexels.