Colin Thomson shares his mental health story and reflects on mental health awareness month (BSL)

Watch Colin sign about his experiences below, or scroll down for the English translation:

English transcript:

I was asked to share my experiences for mental health awareness month which was in May. I find there’s a lot of stereotypes around mental health, such as there being something wrong with you, that you are dangerous or not safe. Mental health can be linked to a lot of things. I see myself as a mental health warrior.

Like everyone else I have good days, bad days, life happens. It’s important to consider how you cope with those things. Sometimes it’s easy to manage alone, other times it’s too difficult. It all depends on the mind. It can depend on what’s happened in the past, memories and words can become imprinted on the brain.

Everyone needs good mental health. We all need love, we need companionship, we need communication, security, food. We need to feel safe. Most children are born and feel safe and loved but sometimes if things go wrong it affects their development, like a traumatic memory.

Personally, I feel attending a mainstream school had a big impact on my mental health. I was confused about my identity. I tried to be hearing. All of my role models were hearing. I tried to be like them but I failed. The word fail – such an awful word. I had to accept I was different and be proud of my identity, my community and my culture. And my language of course.

All of these things have strong links to my mental health. I was bullied at school because I was different. Deaf people even bullied me because I was different. Because I spoke they’d say I was pretending to be deaf and if something bad happened they’d say “it always happens to you!”

When you lose the important things that affects your mental health. When you lose love, when you lose conversations and company. If you lose security and start not looking after yourself, not showering, dressing, choosing to have takeaways instead of cooking… out of boredom you start drinking alcohol due to being home alone – these things don’t help mental health.

Some of you may know I’m a sign song performer, I love signing and performing. I still do this but it’s harder now. Little things affect me like getting about. I rely on a walker for mobility. I’m deaf and disabled now due to my mobility issues and health issues too. All of those things affect my well-being.

Sometimes when I feel low there will be voices in my head criticising me so it’s really important to have a network of friends who I can rely on, people who empathise and understand where I’m coming from. It is hard.

Life in general is hard but when you’re on your own it’s even harder. People do say come over meet up and have coffee which I really appreciate. I love seeing people smile and laugh, the little things in life are so important. Sometimes I feel depressed at 2/3am – this is a problem as I can’t reach out when people are asleep.

I have tried contacting a crisis team who finally had a text number which I thought initially was great for access but recently this was massive fail for me. I tried contacting the crisis team by text at 3am but had no response, this angered me and made me drink even heavier.

I finally had a response at 8am to say they don’t monitor the phone overnight. This angered me because if I was hearing I could simply pick up the phone and ring someone. Why do deaf people still have to fight for equality? This wears me out. Sometimes I feel like giving up.

The crisis team failed to provide an interpreter to meet with me twice. When they finally visited me I was angry and told them I wasn’t happy they didn’t monitor the phone and I told them to leave. The following Monday I was told my case was closed because of my anger and told that I shouldn’t be angry with their staff. So where do I go now?

I wanted to share this with you. Remember you are beautiful, you are worthy and I love you all. Bye.

Part 2.

My doctor checks on me regularly but I can only make appointments through phone. Lots of charities like the Samaritans ask you to ring too. They have a text number for Shout the crisis team but I find their English is too complex especially when I’m experiencing a depressive episode. I would prefer to communicate in my first language.

I was referred to social prescribing where they recommend hobbies and they gave me a list of things happening in my area which I didn’t know about. But for every one of these things there was a phone number only.

So where do I go? People recommend going for a walk to help the mind but they forget I can’t walk far with my walker. I feel oppressed. I used to play sports like badminton but I can’t anymore so it’s had an impact on me. Many times I’ve wanted to give up. But I’m a warrior. And I’m still here.

I’ve written a book of poems relating to mental health which I’m hoping to publish soon and I’d like to tour to talk about mental health and sign songs. So watch this space, look after yourself. Bye!

Colin Thomson is a sign singer, poet and Mental Health warrior.