Insight: Things I wish I knew for my deaf sister who has now passed (BSL)

My lovely sister passed away last year after a short illness and at the age of 71, I still miss her dearly and our close bond. My sister was poorly as a child and went deaf as a result of her illness at the age of 6.

Throughout her life she wore hearing aids and had already learnt to speak before she became deaf so she always used her voice. She had a lovely strong voice and she would still sing with me like we did as children in church.

She went to a boarding school at the age of 11 and I missed her terribly but she seemed to grow in confidence and had lots more friends as a result. I enjoyed meeting them and her new “boyfriends.”

My sister and I looked very similar and as we were only 18 months apart a lot of people assumed we were twins. She used to joke that I should try and become deaf so I could attend the same school as her.

My sister married a kind gentleman who was also deaf, like her he spoke and wore hearing aids too although they both knew signs due to mixing with friends who are also deaf and use sign language.

Reflecting on my sister and her deafness in particular I find myself with a few regrets, it has to be said.

One is that I wish I was able to learn more about her deaf friends through signing too. They all tried so hard and did so well to chat to me when I came along on their outings but only now I realise how tiring that must have been for them. I could have done better, I realise now.

When my sister fell poorly she would sign more with her husband as her voice was getting weaker and quieter. I’d find myself struggling to understand her and I knew she must have been frustrated then too. But she still smiled and held my hand calmly.

Looking back I also wish that I had been more of an advocate for her during the time she was poorly and often didn’t understand what was happening in hospital.

They didn’t view her as being “deaf” with needs because she spoke so well and lipread and I would also come along and find out information for her. But I wonder now if she would have liked to have been more independent.

Since my sisters passing I still visit my brother in law and we chat about the happier days together. He is fiercely independent and he still attends a local deaf society where he enjoys all sorts of social activities. I do think about going along but I sometimes wonder if I would be intruding seeing as I’m not deaf.

Having a sister has been a joy to me and I’m blessed that we had such a great relationship. I never saw her deafness as a problem but she probably compensated for all of the hard work lip reading and using her hearing aids. She made it look so easy, that even now I still feel proud of her.

The ironic thing is now I’m getting older I’m aware my hearing is not the greatest so perhaps that’s one thing she would chuckle at as she watches over us. “It’s a bit late now” I imagine her teasing me.

I enjoy reading about deaf related topics now and perusing this site as it reminds me a lot of her. My sister used to volunteer and work with deaf children at social events in the North of England so she always had lots of stories to tell.

I thought you may be interested in my little story, my main point being that I loved my sister for who she was and her deafness was something that I always admired her approach towards. Her attitude of acceptance and her graceful manner were just inspiring. God bless you dear sister.

This blog has been written anonymously as part of the Insightseries – where readers are invited to share their story or news about their interesting job with The Limping Chicken. If you have a story to share please email rebecca@rawithey.com 

Image courtesy of Pixabay.