Rebecca A Withey: A letter to myself — Nine years as the only deaf Mum in the playground

I stumbled upon a blog I wrote back in 2017 when my son had just finished his first year of nursery school.

He was four years old at the time and I was bracing myself for the next however many years of being ‘the only deaf mum’ in the primary school playground. 

It is now 2026, my son is at secondary and my daughter is about to leave primary. Gosh. How did we get here so fast? 

It’s a bittersweet feeling. Whilst I know my daughter is so ready for her next chapter, the fact that I won’t be walking hand-in-hand to school with her anymore lands a little heavy on my heart.

And so I thought it rather apt to write a little letter to my younger self.

This is for the woman standing nervously at the nursery gates in 2017, wondering where she would fit in, whether other parents would make the effort to communicate, and how many times she would have to smile and pretend she had caught what somebody had just said.

Because whilst my children were growing up, so was I.

“Dear Rebecca –

You see yourself as the only deaf Mum in the playground and you spend so much energy worrying whether the other parents will accept you.

What you don’t realise is that one day you’ll be far more interested in whether you accept yourself. 

And more than that, instead of working so hard to please/impress others and make an effort with them, you will eventually come to the place where you’ll wonder if you actually like them and whether they are worth your time.

You questioned yourself back in 2017 and wondered whether you were a good enough Mum for your CODA son.

In time you will see how you actually stand up for yourself, starting with when the school secretary began using your son as an interpreter! You will speak to her firmly, fairly and confidently. Even if you do tremble inside… 

You will also defend your son when an overly harsh teacher upsets him. You will go forth, straight towards the issue with fire in your belly and sort the matter instantly. 

Whenever issues arise, your deafness will never be the stumbling block that holds you back. Despite what you think now, you will come to see that the biggest hurdle to overcome is that of self-doubt.

I admit, there will be a few parents that seem to ignore you. And there will be some who don’t bother to get to know you at all. (Their loss!) 

But you will soon realise that sometimes your deafness does you a favour – it weeds out the bad eggs! 

And although you may feel inferior at times – especially compared to the extroverted, loud folk who communicate with ease and are at the centre of all discussions… you will develop a quiet inner strength that allows the right people to gravitate towards you.

You will make friends. Heck, you’ll even go on coffee dates with other Mums! And you will influence people in ways you can’t imagine now, just by your presence.

A teacher will start learning sign because of you. Children will sign ‘good morning’ to you and giggle excitedly when you acknowledge them. 

And although you may feel right now like you’re the only parent who is ‘different’ – you will come to find that is not true at all. 

There will be parents who speak different languages or those that come from different communities. Some will have disabilities or chronic illnesses. Others will be socially anxious or struggling with mental illness.

In the years ahead you will fight a legal battle for your son’s secondary school placement. (And win!) 

You will argue (politely!) with professionals about the terminology they use towards deaf children, the expectations they have and the ways you notice deaf children are treated differently. 

You will navigate countless challenges with your daughter’s specialist support – year after year and demand to see change. Your actions will create ripples! 

And wait till you see those giant text books you buy to support your daughter’s education! (Pre-warning – I wouldn’t recommend dropping one on your bare foot, ouch!) 

You will go to assemblies, celebrations, sports days, end of year plays. You’ll ask for interpreters (and not always get them,) request front row seats for school plays and end up sitting with the screaming nursery children (LOL)

You and your hubby will lip sync through Christmas carol services, attempt to lipread the backs of teachers heads and even create sign names for parents that you see daily but don’t actually know their names…

There will be speech therapy appointments, audiology trips, therapy blocks, EHCPs, countless meetings and more that you fit in and around all the school runs.

But what’s most impressive is that regardless of how much you will have to step out of your comfort zone, you always show up. 

Back in 2017 you walked your son into primary school apprehensively expecting everyone to see you just as a ‘deaf Mum’ who wasn’t good enough.

How wrong were you. 

Here in 2026, you can confidently clap your daughter out of primary school with the understanding that your insecurities were never really about being the only deaf person in the playground. 

They were just about feeling ‘enough.’

You made it through the primary school years, Mama. Go celebrate. 

And then… I guess you better get an iced coffee and buckle up for secondary school. I’ve heard the teenage years are a ride!

Love, Me.” 

By Rebecca A Withey

Rebecca A Withey is the Assistant Editor for The Limping Chicken. She is also a freelance writer, BSL consultant and creative artist based in the Midlands. Rebecca is a Deaf, bilingual BSL user.