My GP wouldn’t take my concerns seriously, but he listened to my child’s school – is it because I’m deaf? (BSL)

I am a deaf parent with a deaf child. We have different types of deafness. My child uses a cochlear implant, whereas I don’t wear hearing technology. My speech is not as clear, so I rely more on British Sign Language (BSL) than my child does.

But one thing I know for sure is that I know my child inside out.

From a young age, I noticed that they would get incredibly stressed by things that other children seemed to manage more easily. 

Going to new places, being around lots of people or trying new food could become a big problem. They would become angry and have tantrums, and as a single parent, I often felt confused and frustrated. 

I wanted to understand what was happening and how I could help.

People would say, “Oh, it’s the terrible twos,” or blame it on starting school, being dramatic or becoming a pre-teen. There always seemed to be another explanation. But deep down, I felt something wasn’t right.

I started reading about children who need routine, have sensory issues and struggle with too much stimulation. At first, I found the information difficult to understand because my English is quite basic. 

But I discovered I could use AI to explain things in simpler English, which helped me learn more about what my child might be experiencing.

As time went on, I became increasingly worried about their mental health. They weren’t getting invited to playdates and were never chosen as someone’s best friend. 

I worried that they felt lonely but couldn’t explain how they felt. They seemed unhappy, even though they were still so young.

I decided to take my child to the GP.

During the appointment, the GP asked whether my child had hearing family members who could speak and hear, because it was just the two of us living at home. I explained that I did have hearing family, although we weren’t close.  Thankfully, I had an interpreter with me.

I wasn’t sure why the GP was asking these questions. I came away feeling that the difficulties my child was experiencing were being linked to communication, their inability to hear, or even my own deafness and the fact that my speech wasn’t clear.

I felt as though I was being asked to consider whether I was somehow the problem. Was my child frustrated because of me? Was I doing something wrong?

I started blaming myself.

I tried to get more support from other people, including school mums who were helpful and my child’s teachers. I wanted to understand my child better and find a way to help them feel happier.

Things became even more worrying when my child started refusing to go to school. I went back to the GP, but the support suggested was talking therapy, which wasn’t even accessible for my child.

In the end, it was a member of staff at the school who contacted me. Together, we managed to get a referral for assessments.

I was so grateful for that support. Eventually, my child was diagnosed with autism and ADHD.

After years of confusion and blaming myself, things finally started to make sense. I could begin to understand why certain situations were so difficult for my child and learn what they needed from me.

My child didn’t like the diagnosis at first, and I understood that it might take time for them to accept it. But having the right support in place has made a real difference. 

The world feels friendlier to them now that we understand what can overwhelm them and how to manage those situations. They also have medication that has helped enormously with their sleep.

I feel relieved that we finally have answers. I only wish we had got there sooner.

But there is one question I still think about.

If that member of staff at the school hadn’t contacted me and helped me get the referral, would I ever have been listened to? 

Would the GP have taken my concerns seriously if they had come from me alone, rather than being supported by someone at school?

I can’t help wondering whether my deafness affected how my concerns were understood. Did the GP see me as a deaf parent first, rather than as a parent who knew their child was struggling and needed help?

I will never know for sure. I cannot say what the GP was thinking, but I know how I felt after that appointment. I felt confused, I questioned myself, and I blamed myself when all I had been trying to do was help my child.

I know that being deaf does not mean I understand my child any less. I may communicate differently, and I may need information explained in a way that works for me, but I know my child. I know when something isn’t right.

No parent should have to wait for a school professional to speak up before their concerns are taken seriously.

And so I still wonder: if the school hadn’t stepped in, would anyone have listened to me?

This blog has been shared anonymously as part of the Insight series – created by Assistant editor Rebecca A Withey.

If you have a story, experience or viewpoint you would like to anonymously share please email Rebecca on  rebecca@rawithey.com

Image courtesy of Pexels.