Rebecca-Anne Withey: How lockdown and doing ‘just enough’ is teaching me to be kind to myself

A few days ago the government announced that we would have a further three weeks – at least – of lockdown in order to manage the crisis we’re currently experiencing. The decision is completely understandable and the news didn’t come as a surprise to most of us, I’m sure.

The task of staying at home is, of course, no big deal at all compared to the heaving workload our front liners and key workers have to face, and being ‘bored’ is actually a very fortunate problem to have in the current circumstances.

That said, as someone who works from home, the idea of homeschooling two excitable children for a further three weeks, still felt like a daunting task. And as my other half is a key worker, there’s nobody else in the household to share this duty with.

I know I’m not alone in feeling this way and I’ve learnt from the last month that the only way I can keep my sanity is to lower my expectations. There’s no way I can keep a tidy house, educate children and work to my highest standard all at the same time. So all I’m doing lately is ‘just enough’ to get by.

I’ve seen lots of encouraging memes and quotes on social media that tell us to use this time to start a hobby, complete a DIY job and tick off those jobs we’ve left undone in the home. In other words, our fast paced society is still expecting us to be productive and ‘do good things’ to make the most of our time at home. I was one of those people initially too, eager to finally get the garden sorted and have a major sort out in the house.

But as time has gone on, I’ve come to see that this current situation is mentally and emotionally exhausting. Sure, we may be physically confined to smaller spaces but there’s so much going on online. We can still feel completely drained by it all. It’s hard.

That’s why I was so grateful to have the opportunity to work on my mindfulness practice again, when Red Earth Theatre set up their virtual tour for Calm and Creative (as mentioned in my previous article.)

One of the biggest things I took from mindfulness when I was training was how to be kind to myself. I never really understood that phrase before. Wasn’t being kind just about saying please and thank you and remembering birthdays?! I came to understand that being kind to myself meant honouring how I felt. So if I feel overwhelmed, then some things have got to go. Even if it’s just temporarily.

So right now, as I’m working out my work routine for the next seven days, I realise that I only have a few hours each day to devote to the children’s schooling. The rest of the time, I’ll have to get the crafts out and let them go wild with their imagination. Or even, dare I say it, let them watch a movie while I complete a job.

Things right now aren’t ideal in a lot of ways. There’s still pressure to be great home schooling parents and even to keep churning out high quality pieces of work – but you cant give in to it. You have to make it all as easy and as comfortable as it can be right now. And what we’re in right now wont last forever.

So if you can make things easy on yourself – do it. This isn’t the time to try to live up to the ideal of what makes a ‘perfect parent.’ Your kids are probably just loving being home, playing monopoly for the 4000^th time and being allowed to eat chocolate brownies while Mummy has a video call.

And if you can make extra time to chill, to empty out that busy racing mind, and just indulge in some sensory feeling good (think hot baths, bowls of delicious food, cups of tea in the garden) then go ahead and do it.

All of us – deaf, hearing, whatever we are – are in the same boat right now. We all have similar fears and similar stresses right now. But we’re all together in this. So go easy on yourself, throw out the rule book, and be your own best friend. What do you want to do today for you, and nobody else? How can you make today a bit easier?

Take care.

Rebecca x

 

If you missed the start of the six week mindfulness meditation series as part of the virtual tour for Calm and Creative you can view my first BSL video here: https://youtu.be/OlnRKo96VEw